Final Examination

Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out,removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet yes for headsand no for tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on?

Santa replies, “I’m rechecking my answers and I don’t think I did very good.”

Santa Singh depressed

Seeing Santa Singh depressed one of his friends asks him.

“Oye why are you sad?”

To which Santa replies …“I lost Rs 300 in bet.”

His friend ask hims…“How?”

Santa Singh says..“I bet on India for Rs 200…”But unfortunately India lost

His friend queries..“But you said Rs 300…”

Santa Singh answers…“I again bet for India for Rs 100 in the highlights of the match”

How does a scooter run?

In an interview,

Interviewer : How does a scooter run?
Santa : Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr………….

Interviewer shouts : Stop it!!
Santa : Dhhuurrrr dhupp dhupp dhupp dhupp……………

Santa hanged to death by banta

Santa and banta singh were both in a mental hospital. Once they were walking past a swimming pool, santa suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.

Banta promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled santa out.

When the medical director became aware of banta’s heroic act, he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell banta the news he said, “Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged because since you were able to jump in and
Save the life of another patient, I think you’ve regained your senses. The bad news is santa, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”

Then banta replied, “He didn’t hang himself. I put him there to dry.”

Banta’s Date

Banta called his friend Santa and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

Santa said, “Send her some flowers and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal.”

Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman.

The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.

Banta, “It was a flop idea.”

Santa, “Didn’t the girl come to your house?”

Banta, “She did, but she refused to cook!”

Final Examination

Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out,removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet yes for headsand no for tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on?

Santa replies, “I’m rechecking my answers and I don’t think I did very good.”

Dukan Par Hi Dikhaa

Santa says: Koi acha sa kapda (cloth) dikhaiye.

Salesman: Plain main dikhaon?

Santa: Abey hawai jahaz main nahi dukan par hi dikha!

Machcharo ko ullu banaya

Ek sardar doosre se keh raha hai ke “Maine machcharo ko ullu banaya !”
Second Sardar: “Kaise?“

First says: Maine mosquito coil mere bajuke room mein lagaya aur main apne room mein soya. ha ha ha ha…..

Cool answers in an interview

Santa and Banta are two friends and Santa Singh has a very good job.

Banta Singh is jobless and one day asks Santa to help him get some good Job.

Santa singh says, “OK, next time we will apply together.” and they do.

On interview day, Santa singh says, “First I will go inside and answer all questions except the last one, and after coming out, I will give you all the answers and questions. Then you go in and answer everything and You will get the Job.”

So, Santa goes in.

EMPLOYER: When did we get independence?

SANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our PM?

SANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER: OK. What’s India’s population?

SANTA: (He was not to reply the last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell
you, Sir.

Now he comes out and tells the questions and answers to Banta Singh.

Banta Singh (True SARDAR that he is) remembers all answers and forgets the questions. He goes in now.

EMPLOYER: When were you born?

BANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER: What? Who is your father?

BANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER (Now quite upset): Are you mad Mr. Banta?

BANTA: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you Sir.

Ideal match

Santa: Why didn’t you marry?

Banta: I was searching for an ideal match.
Santa: So, you didn’t find an ideal girl?

Banta: I found one.

Santa: Then?

Banta: She was also searching for an ideal match.

Mujhse shaadi karogi

Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?

Girl: Tameez se baat karo.

Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karogi?

Banta’s purpose

Banta : Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.

Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine kaha I Luv U, To woh boli “Maine kal hi naye sandal kharide hain”.

Subha gadhe ke saath

Ek sardar subah subah jogging karne ke liye nikla apne kutte ke sath.

Rudra: Oye yeh subah subah gadhe ke saath kaha jaa rahe ho?

Sardar: Oye yeh gadha nahi kutta hai.

Rudra: Oye main kutte se hi pochh raha hoon.

Mrs. Banta Singh’s Habit

Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour.

One day she hung up after 25 minutes….

“What is the matter today? asked her husband. “Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone.”

“I got a wrong number,” replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

This is eleven eleven

Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.

“Is this one one one one?”, says the voice.

Santa said, “No, this is eleven eleven.”

“Are you sure it isn’t one one one one?”

Again Santa said, “No, this is eleven eleven.”

“Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night.”

Santa replied, “That’s all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway.”

Our dear Santa

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and our dear Santa were standing together. An Englishman came up and asked, “hey guys, what is your favorite flowers?”

The Hindu replied, ‘Lotus’
‘Ha, I clean my shit with that!’ the Englishman jeered

The Hindu got angry, the lotus being our national flower

The Muslim replied : “Chameli”
‘Ha I clean my shit with that!’ The Englishman response

The Muslim also got angry but kept quite

The Englishman asked Santa, ‘Sardarji, and what is your favourite flower?’
Patriotic Santa replied: ‘Cactus! and replied, “now clean your ass with that!”

Banta wants to die

Banta went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off.

“How did this happen?” the doctor asked.

“Well I was trying to commit suicide,” Banta replied.

The doctor asked, “Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?”

“No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.“

Dead Men Don’t Bleed

Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive.His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don’t bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don’t bleed.

“Do you now agree that dead men don’t bleed?” the doctor asked.

“Yes, I do,” Banta replied.

“Very well, then,” the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient’s finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, “What does that tell you?”

“Oh my goodness!” Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger … “Dead men do bleed!!”

Battery low….

Friend1: Are yaar ye mobile to mujhe kangaal kar dega.

Friend2: Kyu?

Friend1: Baar baar dikhaata hai “Battery Low” ab tak 56 battery badal chuka hoon!

Long celebration

Wife: Woh admi jo drink kar raha hai, Usko maine 10 saal pehle shadi ke liye inkaar kia tha. Dekho who aaj tak sharab pee raha hai!

Husband: Wow! itni lambi celebration!